Learned Helplessness

Learned helplessness occurs when a person who has experienced repeated challenges comes to believe they have no control over their situation. They then give up trying to make changes and accept their fate.1

In animals, learned helplessness occurs when an animal is repeatedly subjected to an aversive stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the animal will stop trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation. Even when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness will prevent any action.2

While the concept is strongly tied to animal psychology and behavior, it can also apply to many situations involving human beings.3 When people feel that they have no control over their situation, they may begin to behave in a helpless manner. This inaction can lead people to overlook opportunities for relief or change.4

For example, poor performance at work or at school, even after putting in a lot of effort, can lead to feelings of learned helpless. People may be left feeling that no matter what they do or how hard they work, nothing will make a difference.

This article discusses the signs of learned helplessness and the research that led to the term being coined. It also explores what causes this type of behavior and strategies that can help people overcome it.

Symptoms of Learned Helplessness

Everyone can struggle at times, especially when coping with adversity and setbacks. Learned helplessness is characterized by more lasting symptoms such as:

Avoiding decisions

Bad attitude

Giving up quickly

Inability to tolerate frustration

Lack of effort

Low motivation

Passive behavior

Poor self-esteem

Procrastination

Refusing to try

Learned helplessness is not a mental health condition, but it can sometimes be a sign of a mental disorder such as depression or anxiety.

The Discovery of Learned Helplessness

The concept of learned helplessness was discovered accidentally by psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven F. Maier. They had initially observed helpless behavior in dogs that were classically conditioned to expect an electrical shock after hearing a tone.5

Later, the dogs were placed in a shuttlebox that contained two chambers separated by a low barrier. The floor was electrified on one side, and not on the other. The dogs previously subjected to the classical conditioning made no attempts to escape, even though avoiding the shock simply involved jumping over a small barrier.

To investigate this phenomenon, the researchers then devised another experiment.5

In group one, the dogs were strapped into harnesses for a period of time and then released.

In group two, the dogs were placed in the same harnesses but were subjected to electrical shocks that could be avoided by pressing a panel with their noses.

In group three, the dogs received the same shocks as those in group two, except that those in this group were not able to control the shock. For those dogs in the third group, the shocks seemed to be completely random and outside of their control.

The dogs were then placed in a shuttlebox. Dogs from the first and second group quickly learned that jumping the barrier eliminated the shock. However, those from the third group made no attempts to get away from the shocks.

In Seligman and Maier's experiments, the dog's who were unable to escape the shocks developed learned helplessness. Due to their previous experience, they had developed a cognitive expectation that nothing they did would prevent or eliminate the shocks.

Causes of Learned Helplessness

Learned helplessness is frequently the result of experiencing stress or trauma. People may feel that they have little to no control over the situation. Because of the lack of control, people may feel helpless and unmotivated to take action.

Common causes that can lead to learned helplessness include:

Abuse

Childhood neglect

Difficult 

Domestic violence

Natural disasters

Trauma

Overparenting can also contribute to the development of learned helplessness in children. When children are not allowed to try things independently, they may develop a poor sense of personal agency. Instead of trying, they believe that they are unable to do things and do not put forth any effort.

The three elements of learned helplessness are contingency, cognition, and behavior. Contingency refers to the belief that there is a relationship between events and behaviors, cognition refers to how people think about these relationships, and behavior refers to the actions they take as a result of observing the relationship between actions and events.6

The Role of Explanatory Styles

So what explains why some people develop learned helplessness and others do not? Why is it specific to some situations but more global in others?

Attribution or explanatory styles may also play a role in determining how people are impacted by learned helplessness. This view suggests that an individual's characteristic style of explaining events helps determine whether or not they will develop learned helplessness.7

A pessimistic explanatory style is associated with a greater likelihood of experiencing learned helplessness. People with this explanatory style tend to view negative events as being inescapable and unavoidable and tend to take personal responsibility for such negative events.

Impact of Learned Helplessness

The impact of learned helplessness has been demonstrated in different animal species, but its effects can also be seen in people.

Consider one often-used example: A child who performs poorly on math tests and assignments will quickly begin to feel that nothing they do will have any effect on their math performance. When later faced with any type of math-related task, they might feel hopeless and unable to do the work.

Learned helplessness has also been associated with several different psychological disorders.1 Depression,8 anxiety, phobias, shyness, and loneliness can all be exacerbated by learned helplessness.

For example, feeling shy in social situations can cause people to feel that there is nothing they can do to overcome their symptoms. Because symptoms feel out of control, people may stop trying to engage themselves in social situations, thus making their shyness even more pronounced.9

Researchers have found, however, that learned helplessness does not always generalize across all settings and situations.1

A student who experiences learned helplessness with regards to math class will not necessarily experience that same helplessness when faced with performing calculations in the real world. In other cases, people may experience learned helplessness that generalizes across a wide variety of situations.

Learned Helplessness in Children

Learned helplessness often originates in childhood, and unreliable or unresponsive caregivers can contribute to these feelings.4 This learned helplessness can begin very early in life. Children raised in institutionalized settings, for example, often exhibit symptoms of helplessness even during infancy.

When children need help but no one comes to their aid, they may be left feeling that nothing they do will change their situation. Repeated experiences that bolster these feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can result in growing into adulthood ultimately feeling that there is nothing one can do to change his or her problems.

Some common symptoms of learned helplessness in children include:10

Failure to ask for help

Frustration

Giving up

Lack of effort

Low self-esteem

Passivity

Poor motivation

Procrastination

Learned helplessness can also result in anxiety, depression, or both.11 When kids feel that they've had no control over the past events of their lives, they gain the expectation that future events will be just as uncontrollable. Because they believe that nothing they do will ever change the outcome of an event, kids are often left thinking that they should not even bother trying.

Academic struggles can also potentially lead to feelings of learned helplessness.12 A child who makes an effort to do well but still does poorly may end up feeling that they have no control over their grades or performance.

Since nothing they do seems to make any difference, they will stop trying and their grades may suffer even more. Such problems can also affect other areas of the child's life. Their poor performance in school can make them feel that nothing they do is right or useful, so they may lose the motivation to try in other areas of their life as well.

Learned Helplessness and Mental Health

Learned helplessness may also contribute to feelings of anxiety and may influence the onset, severity, and persistence of conditions such as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).

When you experience chronic anxiety, you may eventually give up on finding relief because your anxious feelings seem unavoidable and untreatable. Because of this, people who are experiencing mental health issues such as anxiety or depression may refuse medications or therapy that may help relieve their symptoms.

As people age learned helplessness can become something of a vicious cycle. When encountering problems such as anxiety or depression, people may feel that nothing can be done to ease these feelings.

People then fail to seek out options that may help which then contributes to greater feelings of helplessness and anxiety.

Self-abandoned, relaxed and effortless, I seemed to have laid me down in the dried-up bed of a great river; I heard a flood loosened in remote mountains, I felt the torrent come; to rise I had no will, to flee I had no strength.” ―Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

A friend recently told me that convenience is the root of all evil. I knew exactly what he was talking about. Call it codependency, call it enabling. The caretaker, the hero, this person has been deemed the criminal in many cases, the one who “allows” the undesirable behavior, whatever it is, to exist.

But it takes two to tango. We caretakers—yes, that’s the role I have most often played; I have, in fact, fought to not be in the role of the helpless—often set ourselves up by rescuing those we perceive to be in need. So often, though, this is a power play to feel better about ourselves. Do we get something out of it? Oh, yes we do. For one, by being the provider or caretaker, we feel helpful, not helpless, and that is key. By being of service, we believe we are out from underneath (we’ve probably observed or experienced feeling helpless), we are above and in control, and this in many ways determines our self-worth and success. Caretaking behavior negates low self-worth that may come from being under someone’s thumb or auspice, and we feel we are free and in charge. Thus, there is a sense that we should feel better about ourselves. In control. Safe.

But what about the so-called helpless ones whom we perceive to be in need of rescue? The irony is that the ones in need, who are grown adults (since we’re referring to this position within adult relationships) and thus very capable in many cases to take care of themselves, often end up being the ones in control because we enable them to the point where learned helplessness enters the picture. Learned helplessness renders them incapable of doing things, and as much as I want to take responsibility for this and say caretakers are to blame, the truth of the matter is this is a dance created by two willing individuals who want to feel good and relinquish control because it’s easy and convenient—or take control because it also feels good and therefore is oh-so-very convenient. This is the irony of the dance and the self-talk.

We caretakers love to make things convenient for others; it’s what we do best. What we see as being a do-gooder—our need to be on top, to prove to ourselves we are not helpless by being overly helpful—actually renders others helpless and dependent on us. Although this should feel good, and perhaps it does initially, in the end it often enslaves us to our “victim,” who learns to, by no fault of his or her own, manipulate us (and probably others as well) and to settle into a role as the helpless one. Since they’re grown adults, we know they are capable in whatever way suits them, but once this pattern begins, we see the helpless one as the victim, unable to care for himself or herself, and then the caregiver becomes the martyr.

This pattern then becomes ingrained in us, and can and most likely will be repeated in other relationships. The irony is that both roles are similar, if not identical, as the martyr often also plays the victim and vice versa. It’s a two-way mirror and a two-way street, with both roles continuously going back and forth. Both people think they are being helpful and noble, but both are suffocating in their inability to take care of their own needs.

So how does one take care of his or her own needs? It’s simple once you recognize the patterns. The helpless individual starts doing things on his or her own instead of always relying on the other to “fix” problems, and of course the fixer does less fixing. This may come in a form of abstinence in the beginning. I don’t mean sharing less; I do mean expecting less. It means sharing without expectations. It means sharing the details of your horrible day without your partner giving you advice. If your partner continues to give you advice, thereby suggesting helplessness, you are likely to avoid sharing. This is where caregiving becomes harmful. So keep sharing, keep listening, take care of your own needs, and help only when someone asks for your help, give advice only when someone asks for it, and don’t expect help or advice unless you specifically say so.

Communication is key when it comes to breaking these patterns. Recognizing our role as either fixer or helpless one comes first, and then recognizing what we do in those roles. For example, a “victim” or helpless individual may manipulate by not offering to do something or by simply avoiding something, suggesting incapability. The fixer takes this cue and will do it for him or her anyway. These types of patterns become ingrained in the relationship.

Do you take control when the other person is in need? How often do you do this? Part of being in a relationship is to be there for our partners. However, doing it every single time and rendering them helpless is counterproductive to a healthy relationship. Do you expect your partner to handle many things for you? How often do you expect this? Expecting our partners to come through for us when we are in dire straits is one thing, but expecting this more often than not suggests a very unhealthy pattern for your relationship.

The symptoms of fixing and being a victim will be apparent in the bedroom, and possibly other areas of your life as well. Sexual satisfaction within a relationship is often a great indicator of these aspects within a relationship. Sexual issues often are symptomatic of much deeper issues. A fixer is like a parent, and a victim is akin to a child. Sexuality quite often will cease to exist in this sort of parent-child dynamic, as it suggests imbalance.

Sexuality thrives in autonomous situations, with autonomous people. We are well aware of the fact sex is more exciting when there is some level of mystery involved, some level of distance, some level of taboo. That taboo is often the unknown. Let’s face it: Being self-sufficient is a huge turn-on because it provides some distance. Not detachment, but distance. We can still be there for our partners, be their moral support, and be autonomous and self-sufficient when it comes to our emotional needs.